Happy Birthday Jessica!

Wednesday, Day 259:  Today is Jessica’s 27^th birthday.  Although I’ve only known her for the past nine or ten years, she is still an integral part of our family.  I remember the first time I met her at a camp meeting.  Sherry McGrew introduced her to me and I told her she needed to meet my daughter, Sheila.  I thought they would probably hit it off.  Boy, did they ever!  Within a year or so of meeting, she was moving down here to live with us.  I don’t know if I’ve ever seen two better friends than she and Sheila have become. 

I thought I was satisfied having one daughter.  (I’ve mentioned before how I’m more of a “guy” person.)  But having these two around is even better.  I love our time together…and especially our trips with Paula every year!  (Just another 12 days until our next one!!!) 

When Dennis and I were planning our family, I always wanted four children.  After being miserable for 9 months of pregnancy with Ricky and then complications after his birth, I decided it was time to quit.  But when Jessica entered our lives, I finally was blessed with that 4^th child that I always wanted!

This pic is a few years old, but I still like it!

Baby Kisses

Monday, Day 257:  It was good to visit with everyone at Henrietta Creek yesterday!  I’m afraid that I didn’t get around to spending time with everyone…I was a little preoccupied with Jesse.  Most that I did talk to were gracious about it though…allowances are usually granted for doting grandmothers.  It was wonderful to spend the day with our special little guy!  Even though I know (in my head) that he can’t possibly remember me, he still acts like he’s happy to see me.  I believe (in my heart) that there is a definite connection there.  I have enough love for him that he can’t help but feel it and respond to it!

I was able to hold him through a lot during the morning assembly.  (It has been a LONG time since I wrestled with a baby during a lesson!)  He was good, but he was BUSY!  I found that if I held him close and softly kissed him on the cheek that he would sit still with a sweet little smile for a few minutes.  I gave him LOTS of kisses!  Then at one point he returned the favor and gave me big old sloppy baby kisses! 

Afterward, we went to Schlotzsky’s for lunch.  Toward the end of our meal Stephen decided to see what Jesse would do with a dill pickle wedge.  Turns out that he loved it!!!  He would suck on it and never grimaced or made any kind of face.  Guess there is some Gerrald in him!  (Leland and Everett both LOVED dill pickles!) 

Jesse was getting pretty tired by time for the 2:00 assembly, but (in typical “Stephen fashion”) he refused to take a nap.  So Mandy had to spend most of her time walking or rocking him.  (I sure remember those days!)  We just had a singing for that service.  After it was over, and we spent some more time visiting with the crowd (Jesse and Phill & Jennifer’s youngest were really intrigued with each other!), we all headed over to Daddy and Bobbie’s.  This was the first time that they had ever seen Jesse.  Jesse loved being able to get down on the floor and “crawl” around.  (He still does the military crawl, but he gets where he wants to go!)  It was a great day!  This family is totally smitten with our little guy!

So after a day of fun with Jesse (and his parents, of course!), I am very thankful for those special baby kisses…and hugs, and smiles, and giggles, etc…..

Home Sweet Home

Thurs, Day 253:  When we bought this house, we didn’t plan to stay in it permanently.  We liked it, but it wasn’t exactly what we wanted in a few areas and hoped to be able to “upgrade” eventually.  We have been looking for something else over the past few weeks.  (We’ve actually been looking online for over a year.)  I never have liked the thought of taking on a larger mortgage…especially right when we are about to retire.  After looking at a couple of houses in our price range, I began to realize that we aren’t going to find what we are looking for.  So yesterday, I started thinking creatively about how we could turn this house into what we want…and I believe it will work.  I’ve always liked this house…from the first time I looked at it.  I don’t like the kitchen, but I think we can make it much more efficient by tearing everything out and redoing it.  I really want a guest room AND an office, and I’ve figured out a way to do that…by building on a sunroom where our patio is.  (All that house shopping has paid off there…some of the houses I liked the best had done that very thing!)  Our bedroom lacks adequate closet space, so Dennis figured out a way to build a second closet…so we’ll have one for each of us.  We are looking at some major remodeling, but I believe it will be cheaper than buying something else.  We live in a good neighborhood and a good location for our needs.  Our house will be paid off in about 12 years.  Dennis has rewired most of the house.  (It had aluminum wiring when we bought it, so he’s been replacing it with copper…and adding extra plugs and such.)  We’ve already replaced the a/c.  Once Dennis retires, he will have plenty of time to do the necessary work.  (Everyone keeps asking me what he plans to do when he retires!)  AND we won’t have to move!  (I HATE moving!!!)

So today, I am thankful for my house.  It is about 50 years old, but it is solid.  It needs some major work done, but it will be fun to finally fix up a house the way we want it.  Plus, after living here for the past 8 years, it is HOME.

Is Suicide a Selfish Act, or Not?

Let me begin by saying that I don’t usually like to get involved in “disagreements” on social media.  I see them as negative and a waste of time.  However, I read an article today that someone had posted; and I disagree so strongly and feel like the title is so harmful, that I am compelled to sound off on the subject.  My intent is not to hurt anyone!  I realize that others may strongly disagree with my opinion.  I've put a lot of thought into whether I should post this or not, and my conscience will not allow me to remain silent.

The name of the article was “There’s Nothing Selfish about Suicide”.  It was written by a child and adolescent psychotherapist, so it must be true…right?  (That could get me started on a whole ‘nother subject…that of believing everything we read!)

Is suicide a selfish act or not?  The dictionary defines the word “selfish” as being chiefly concerned with one's own interest, advantage, etc, especially to the total exclusion of the interests of others; relating to or characterized by self-interest.  I agree that being suicidal is a symptom of deep depression.  As the writer of the article states, “Suicide is a decision made out of desperation, hopelessness, isolation and loneliness. The black hole that is clinical depression is all-consuming. Feeling like a burden to loved ones, feeling like there is no way out, feeling trapped and feeling isolated are all common among people who suffer from depression.”

However, having witnessed the aftermath of suicide (which the author describes very well), I can’t agree with her conclusions.  I’m very concerned about the “non-judgmental” society in which we live and the consequences of people not believing that they are accountable for their actions.  I’m not getting into the debate over what is the “eternal outcome” of one who kills themselves.  I believe God is the ONLY one who can make that determination.  I’m talking about what happens here…in this life.  I’ve watched attitudes about suicide go from being the “unpardonable sin” to being the supreme act of selfLESSness.  You know what else I’ve seen?  The suicide rate has dramatically risen over the past decade…by nearly 30 percent!

I have watched what happens to the family of those who commit suicide…seeing the unimaginable pain and guilt and horror faced by the ones who are left behind.  I know someone who has been suicidal that has also watched this process.  They have made the statement that NOT wanting to inflict that on their loved ones has, at times, been the only thing that kept them from going through with the act.  If society completely removes the “stigma” from suicide and makes it an acceptable way to deal with pain and depression, then I believe we will continue to see the rates climb. 

Let me say that I am very compassionate towards those who suffer from clinical depression.  My heart breaks for someone who feels (USUALLY erroneously) that they have nothing left to live for.  My heart also breaks for family members who have to continue to live with the pain and guilt and suffering that occurs when a loved one kills themselves.  I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist or therapist.  I don’t know how to bring someone out of that black hole of depression.  However, I do know that depression is always focused inward.  When a person wants to end their life, it is because THEY no longer want to, or feel like they CAN, live with their pain.  If they can look outside of themselves long enough to see what they would be doing to others, I truly believe that they could be motivated to find another way to deal with their depression.  So yes, I do believe that suicide is a selfish decision.  I believe that proposing anything different is just giving permission to those who are struggling with those thoughts to feel justified in acting on them.  The article stated that believing suicide is a selfish act will only hurt others.  I believe it may save their lives.

The End of an Era

Ten years ago, we decided to leave East Texas.  We had thought a lot about where we wanted to live, and North Central Texas seemed to be the best choice for us.  Mom's health was really failing, and I needed to be closer to help out.  I love the country around here.  Plus Mineral Wells has always been a second home to me.  After making a couple of visits to the Highway church, we chose it as our home congregation.  We were impressed with the loving welcome we received during our visits.

After we moved here, one special couple made us feel like we were truly at home.  We sat on the row behind them, so we were able to visit with them each week.  Mary impressed us with her sweetness AND  spunkiness.  Although she was in her mid-70's, she kept talking about wanting to canoe down the Brazos River with us some day.  Jim was quiet and soft spoken, but he had a keen (and dry!) wit.  He was truly a gentle man.  There was a 2-year-old at our congregation who had been abused and was currently living with relatives.  She was non-verbal and was very shy...especially around men.  I should say around men, except for Jim.  He was the only man that she would go to for a long time.  His quiet, gentle manner earned her trust...as it did with everyone else.

We have gone through some rough times over the past 9 years that we've lived here.  A constant during all that time was the love and support of Jim and Mary.  I'll never forget the time they showed up on our doorstep with cake in their hands and tears in their eyes telling us how much they loved having us here...and how they never wanted us to leave.  After my hysterectomy, they showed up at lunchtime one day and told us they were taking us out to lunch.  When the girls bought their house, Jim and Mary gave them the money needed to buy a refrigerator.  These are just a few examples showing what kind of people they were.

Jim was already on oxygen part-time when we moved here.  It wasn't long before he required it fulltime.  He continued to take care of all of his own car maintenance and yard work (and his yard was several acres!).  It was like pulling teeth to try to get them to ALLOW people to help them whenever they moved (which they did twice during the past 9 years).  Mary was in fairly good health, but had bad knees which made her slow getting around.  Not long after we moved here, she fell and broke her hip.  It took her a LONG time to recover from that and it was the start of her decline.  Not long after that, their daughter Angie's health started to decline rapidly.  They nursed and cared for her until she finally lost her battle to a nasty infection.  That took so much out of this sweet couple.  Then a couple of years ago, Jim started having problems with blood clots in his leg which ultimately led to it being amputated.  Losing his independence was very hard on Jim.  He was just starting to regain a little of it, with the help of a scooter and handicap-equipped van, when his health took a nose dive.  During this same time, Mary fell again and broke her other hip.  One or the other of them was in the hospital a large percentage of the time over that last year or so of Jim's life.  Then on February 18 of this year, his battle with the pains and ills of this life ended.  We really worried about Mary, but she seemed to handle his passing very well.  It was so difficult for her to try to care for him and watch him suffer.  I know her heart was broken, though, after almost 63 years of marriage. 
Over the past 5 months, we have all watched Mary's health decline.  She continued to live alone in their house in the country and refused to allow anyone to pick her up to drive her to church.  She faithfully drove herself twice every Lord's Day.  Her steps kept getting slower and more feeble.  Her smile was still present, but wasn't as bright.  Then two weeks ago, she drove herself to the hospital in pain.  They discovered an intestinal blockage which required surgery.  She didn't want to have it done, but others insisted since she couldn't survive without it.  She ended up spending 13 agonizing days in ICU before finally being "released".  I spent most of the afternoon with her Monday.  I truly didn't think she would survive the day.  They called in the family, so I left...allowing them their time alone with their mother, grandmother, and aunt.  I called to check on her yesterday morning and was told that her vital signs had stabilized and she was more quiet and at peace.  Then I received "the call" early yesterday afternoon. 

I am truly going to miss our dear Jim and Mary.  Highway will never be the same without them.  Their kindness, their humor, their strong faith will always be remembered with love.  Even through the tears of grief, I can't help but smile.  They are both at peace, no longer in pain or grief.  Plus I have a strong hope that I'll see them again some day!  I love you, Jim and Mary.  You will be greatly missed!