Joy and Sadness

If you happen to see me with tears in my eyes, don’t worry about me. I’m not depressed. I’m not overwhelmed. I’m not hopeless. I’m just sad. It’s ok to be sad at times. It’s needful to be sad at times. And there are things going right now that are worth being sad about. So if you see me on the verge of crying, just smile or give me a hug, and don’t get upset if the tears get worse. That’s just the way I’m made.

Even though there are some really sad things going on right now, life is good. We greatly enjoyed our trip to the summer meeting last week in Tahlequah. ("TAHLEQUAH?!") We were able to be there from Wed-Friday night. We enjoyed the lessons, the fellowship, the singing, but mostly the opportunity to worship and praise God with so many of our loved ones. Daddy and Bobbie made it ok at home while we were gone. I only got one phone call from Dad on Friday, because he couldn’t remember when we were coming home and was concerned about how he was going to get to church on Sunday morning. I assured him we’d be home by then, and he was fine.

We dropped by to see Nam and family on our way home Saturday afternoon. We hadn’t seen him since Sunday afternoon. We stayed for maybe 30 minutes and then headed home. Later that evening, we got a phone call from him asking if we could maybe get together for dinner some night. It’s going to take some getting used to not having him around every week (for all of us!). But for now, we have plans for their family to come over Friday night for supper.

Bobbie is no longer able to attend church services. Her strength is fading away. I think she will probably be confined to a wheelchair or bed from here on out. She’s been sleeping in her recliner (they both do), but she can no longer pull herself up in the chair. She just sorta melts down into the seat and gets stuck. So they are supposed to be getting her a bed today. Daddy is doing ok physically, but either depression or continued mental deterioration has him rather numb. He has trouble communicating and his short-term memory is very unreliable. He only seems interested in eating and playing bingo…and hoarding. You never know what you’ll find in his walker storage! Watching the two of them fade is so difficult.

We made it out to Wallace’s funeral and burial yesterday. It doesn’t seem right that his smile and teasing are no longer in this world. He was such a sweet…and ornery old guy! I don’t think he ever met anyone that he didn’t like or that didn’t like him. He is really going to be missed!

I have discovered the delights of sourdough! I watched a documentary talking about the advantages of fermented foods (including sourdough), so I decided to begin a starter. It took about 10 days for it to really start “ginning”. I found some recipes that use the “discard” during the process, so we enjoyed some sourdough soft pretzels, sourdough pizza dough and some sourdough whole wheat crackers. I was finally able to make some bread from the ripe starter last week. It is great for sandwiches, and I have noticed a difference. I normally have heartburn after eating regular bread products, especially at night, but I haven’t suffered from it since using the sourdough. Tonight I made chicken and dumplings using a recipe for sourdough biscuits, and still no heartburn. I found a lot of recipes on the King Arthur Flour website, so I’m doing a lot of experimenting!

I’m going to try something else new this week. I’ve always (or at least for the past 45 years) wanted to make tamales, but I’ve always been too nervous to try it on my own. I’m planning a Mexican feast for Friday night when Sheila’s bunch and Rick and Amber are here, so I decided to include tamales on the menu. I found a recipe for chicken, green chili and cheese tamales that sounds delicious, so I plan to make them up Thursday. (Wish me luck!) Then Friday, I’m making deer enchiladas, refried beans, yellow rice, white queso and guacamole. I love feeding folks…especially my family…and the more, the merrier!

For those that we saw at the meeting and funeral, it was great to see you and catch up! I love being able to visit with old friends and make new ones. Thanks to the Spunky Creek church for all of their hard work in putting the meeting together and hosting it! To the Young family, my heart hurts for you all! I know there is a peace in knowing that Wallace’s suffering is over, but how he will be missed! To all, I hope there is more joy in your days than sadness. Love you all!