Update on the folks

I want to thank everyone who reached out to me after my last few posts! I was surprised at the people who told me that they understood what I was going through and felt the same way. Even though I know that many of us are facing similar circumstances at this point in our lives, I guess I didn’t realize that my feelings weren’t all that unusual. From the outside, it can look like someone “has it all together”, even though they are struggling on the inside. It really helps knowing that others are sympathetic to my situation and understand my struggles. It also helps to know that someone besides myself is getting some benefit from my scribbles.

The folks are both continuing to decline. Bobbie is now on hospice. She still isn’t eating enough to keep a bird alive, and she is having trouble swallowing. Sometimes she does ok…other times she can’t swallow her medications. I think the nursing home will try to crush what they can and perhaps hospice can provide liquid meds for some of the others. Bobbie hates being in bed now! It is definitely helping her rest though…as well as Daddy. She was waking him up several times a night when she slid down in her chair, and he would have to call for someone to come help. I don’t know how the bed could be more uncomfortable than the position she was usually in while sitting in her recliner, but she says it is. One thing that makes it difficult is that she can’t work the controls to adjust it to her satisfaction. Someone else has to do it and go by when she says it is ok or not. She is very sad over the death of Wallace and really misses her only remaining brother. That also frustrates her, and can come out as anger. Her short-term memory is really poor, so she gets upset about decisions that she helped make, because she thinks people just are being mean and not allowing her to do things. I try to patiently explain that she is just too weak to get out and go any more. I sympathize with her situation and assure her that everyone is just trying to do what is best for her. It seems to help short-term, but then she forgets and gets upset all over again.  It really is sad!

Daddy’s physical health is pretty stable right now, but his mental health is really declining. He can no longer operate his cell phone, which has been one of his last means of independence. He now has to have the nursing home call me when he wants to tell me something. He has also developed the propensity to take things from wherever he is. I think it is the “hoarder instinct” that he has always had kicking into overdrive. He fills his walker basket with silverware, napkins, straws, tissues, crackers, leftover food or whatever else happens to be within reach. He pilfered a blanket from someone at church yesterday morning. I managed to restrain him from taking it into the nursing home and washed and returned it to the church house. I really don’t think he realizes that he is taking things he shouldn’t. It seems to be more of a “reflex”. He is getting much more docile. That might seem to be a good thing, but it is just means that he is losing his ability to think. He mostly just responds to instruction. He seemed a little more alert this morning when I visited. He wanted some snapshots taped up on their wall, so they can look at them all the time. That is the most interest that he’s shown about anything in a while. It is hard to know if his rapid decline is the normal progression of his aging process, or if it is trauma induced from all of the changes that he’s been through lately, or if it is something else. Whatever is causing it, it has been brutal to watch. I take him to his nephrologist in the morning. It will be interesting to see what his bloodwork has to show. His edema has improved GREATLY since they upped his Lasix! But that can be hard on kidneys, so the doctor may want to cut back again. There is a correlation between kidney failure and dementia. It is such a delicate balancing act at this stage of life!

On a brighter note, Sheila’s family came over Friday night for our Mexican feast. Everyone loved the tamales! They turned out better than I thought they would, but next time, I plan to use a different technique to make them. Matt has been around a lot of tamale making parties when he lived in the valley, and he said using a tortilla press is the way to go! We really enjoyed our visit with them, and Nam was very excited to be back. We are having to find ways to get together with him while he’s in zoo camp. We had already arranged to keep him this coming Friday, since he won’t be going to class. We decided to have a sleepover on Thursday night to extend our time a bit more. Sheila is taking me out for lunch on Thursday, so we can pick him up from school together and I can bring him home with me. I think Grandad and I miss him as much as he misses us! We’ve been an almost daily part of each other’s lives for the past 20 months! That has to change with his new living circumstances and beginning kindergarten, but it will definitely take some time to adjust for all of us.

We plan to go see our other grandkids next weekend. We sure are looking forward to seeing them again. It has been almost 2 months since our last visit! Boy, time sure does get away from you! Gracie is at the age where she is changing SO MUCH in between visits. Stephen and Mandy are really good at sending us pictures and videos, though, to try to keep us up to date.

Well, my laundry is beckoning so I’d better go. The weather is supposed to turn very hot this week, so please be careful outdoors! Give someone a hug and let them know you love them. You never know when you may not have another opportunity.