weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning

So much on my mind this week.  Brandon's death was such a terrible shock to us all.  My heart aches for his family and close friends.  I hated having to tell Ricky...I knew he would take it very hard!  We are still waiting to hear when the funeral will be.  Ricky and Josh drove down to Stephen's that first night (was it just the night before last?!) so they could be here for it.  It started to look like the funeral probably wouldn't be until next week, so they headed home last night.

I was too melancholy yesterday to do much of anything...just felt tired and unmotivated (which is typical for me when I'm upset).  Dennis was off, so he and Thiess were able to get our a/c up and running again.  Then he mowed the grass that afternoon.  He accomplished a LOT more than I did.  I bought groceries, went to the library and did a little laundry.  We also went to pick up my mother's day gift from the kids...a chest of drawers for the guest room.  Sheila bought it at a local "junktique" store downtown.  We got it moved into the guest room and I cleaned it up and oiled the drawers.  I'm using it to store bed linens and blankets.  I love it!

Look at the beautiful wood in these drawers!

I selected a library book to read yesterday afternoon:  The Goodbye Quilt.  I knew it was a "dangerous" choice, but sometimes having a good cry from reading is quite cleansing.  It is the story of a mother who is trying to finish a quilt for her daughter while they travel cross-country to take the daughter to college.  I could really identify with the main character's ambiguous feelings concerning her looming empty nest.  I really enjoyed the book, and I did feel better when I finished it.  I had been teary eyed for the past 24 hours, but I needed that good cleansing sobbing!  I also needed the reminder that it isn't my job anymore to pick up after or fix my kids mistakes.  I'm still here to help them, encourage them, and support them.  But they are adults now who should, and can, make their own decisions and reap the consequences...whether good or bad.  That seems to be such a difficult thing to internalize as a mother...at least for me.  You spend practically all of your adult life focusing on caring for your children...taking care of all of their needs...training them and disciplining them.  Then you have to step back and let them go.  Such a difficult transition!  Not only the letting go, but also having to re-find yourself after so many years.  As the book stated so eloquently you don't go back to who you were or what your relationship with your husband was before kids.  You are a different person now, and your marriage is different now.  You have to redefine your life and what it is to become at this new stage...very thought provoking.  (So much for my book review.....)
Well, I need to climb on my treadmill!  Happy Mothers' Day to all of you mothers out there!  I'm looking forward to spending it with 3 of my 5.
Lu 2:51 And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart.