Happy New Year!

 Another year has come and gone. Time is racing by at an ever increasing rate. Makes you take stock and appreciate what time you have.

2021 was a good year for me. My health has improved: I'm 43 pounds lighter, no longer need BP meds,  have more strength, flexibility and energy, and had my right shoulder repaired. I gained a new grandbaby. I finished out my CASA commitments and ended my career seeing two new beautiful families grow. 

I am looking forward to seeing what 2022 brings! I hope to continue my weight loss journey...reaching my goal of 80-90 pounds lost. Dennis and I hope to take a trip to the Blue Ridge Parkway this fall. I hope that we will finally be able to finish our home remodel (I know I've said that before, but I do believe it is possible!). I plan to spend as much time as I can with those that I love. And I hope to continue to grow as a person and a Christian.

My hope for all of you is that you have a safe, happy and productive new year. Appreciate and enjoy the blessings that you've been given. Learn something new. Spend time with loved ones. Most of all, remember the One who makes all things possible and honor Him with your life.

Ec 12:13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.  (KJV)

Blessings

Even though I’m sitting here with a heating pad on my lower back, I am overwhelmed with gratitude and contentment. I feel so incredibly blessed! I just wanted to share some of the reasons that I feel this way.

First of all, I am blessed to be a child of the God of the universe. I understand this always, but it gets brought home to me especially on the Lord’s Day. Singing songs of praise to God and His Son stirs up my emotions and helps me focus more perfectly on how much I have been given. Remembering Jesus’ sacrifice every 1^st day of the week, helps me to keep fresh in my heart how much love He has for us and how much He demonstrated that love through His death. Hearing thoughtful sermons brings principles to mind that I need to focus on more and more as I grow in His love. Being with my beloved brothers and sisters in Christ brings me joy and encourages me and helps me remember to reach out to others.

I am blessed with a beautiful family. I’m not talking about physical beauty, even though I think each and every one of them are attractive. I’m talking about their hearts and their spirits. None are perfect, and I understand that full well! But each one has a love for God and for their fellow man, and each of them finds ways to reach out to help others using their unique talents. I’m proud of the people that my kids have grown into, as well as the ones that they have chosen to spend their lives with. I don’t mean proud, as in feeling like I deserve any credit for who they are. I mean it in the sense that I recognize and rejoice in who they are and what they do. They have all grown beyond their upbringing. Each has spread their wings in a slightly different direction from the others, but they all strive to serve God to the best of their ability and to His glory. 3Jo 1:4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.

One of the reasons that I have such beautiful children is because of the wonderful man that I’ve been blessed to spend my life with. I’m not sure why he chose me, but I am so very thankful that he did! There are days when he drives me crazy, but I’ve never regretted my decision to become one with him. He has devoted his life to serving God and has never let anything get in the way of doing that. Lord willing, we’ll celebrate 43 years together in a few short months. I hope that the Lord blesses us with many more to come!

Of course, some of my very best blessings are my grandkids! I’ve always loved babies, and I’ve discovered that the very best babies are the ones that come from our kids…whether they be biological, adopted or steps. The burdens of old age are more than offset with the joys of grandchildren. They aren’t more loved than our own children, but they are able to be enjoyed more without having the responsibilities that come with parenting children. I dearly love each of them and look forward to having a few more in the future!

I am also very thankful for where I live. I’m thankful to live in this country and be able to enjoy the freedoms and abundance that we have here. I’m thankful to live in MW. The longer I live here, the more I appreciate it. It is just the right size for our desires and needs. It is a friendly and caring town, and I love the rich history and the newfound appreciation for and restoring of that history. I love my home. Even though it has been a work in progress for 5 years, with each improvement made, it becomes more comfortable and compatible with our needs. Ricky and Amber spent the day here yesterday, and we were able to use our living room for the first time in months. It felt SO good to relax and see things coming along. Our house will never be fancy or trendy, but it reflects who we are and satisfies the lifestyle needs that we have chosen.

I’m thankful for the health that we have. We are getting old and have our aches and pains and physical limitations that come with our advancing years. We’ve each struggled with different diseases and/or injuries at different times, but we’ve made it through them. The tribulations that we’ve faced just sharpen who we are and strengthen our faith. Even though I hate it when one of my family is suffering, I know that God will see us through it, as He always has. Even when a loved one dies, I know that God is still present and gives comfort and strength to deal with our grief. And just as a forest grows more lush and healthy after a fire, and just as rushing waters polish rough stones into gems, beauty can always come from pain…when we allow God to use it for our good.

I can’t list all of the things that I’m thankful for or that have me feeling so blessed today. There are too many to count and too many for me to even recognize. I strive every day to see those things and focus on those things. Some days it is harder than others. Some days, like today, it is as easy as breathing.

I hope that each of you can focus on your blessings and think on these things: whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy.

How are YOU doing?

This is probably the most asked question of our day. With social distancing, and sheltering at home, we are relying on social media and texting and phone calls to stay in touch. The stress of the times is having it's toll on everyone. So naturally, we all want to check in on our loved ones to see how they are doing.

I am enjoying this new sense of community and concern for one another. It's ironic that being restricted to electronic communication (which many of us have chafed at for years) has made us so much more in tune with others and desirous of face-to-face time. I hope that when this is all over that we hang on to this newfound concern and connectedness!

Now to answer the question...how am I doing? I'm fine! Being retired, this isn't a huge change for Dennis and me. We miss assembling with our normal group on Sundays and being able to eat out...plus a few inconveniences of having to do business under these restrictive circumstances. But we pretty much stayed home most of the time anyway, other than running errands and visiting our kiddos occasionally. The biggest change for me is not going to the nursing home every day to see about Daddy, which has nothing to do with COVID-19. The first few days after his burial, I felt a bit lost with no one to take care of anymore. I still need to find a new "purpose" once I'm able to get out and around again. I'm a caregiver. I don't really know how to be anything else.

I've received so many cards and messages from people who are wanting to know how I'm doing after losing Daddy. Honestly, I feel fine. Those last two weeks of his life, I grieved terribly...crying every day, my heart breaking from watching him die. After he died, until we buried him, my emotions were still raw. But I haven't cried in over a week. I understand, from times past after losing a loved one, that grief can get put on hold. It takes weeks or months, sometimes, for it to really hit you. Then it can wash over you and feel overwhelming at the most incongruous time. So I realize that I may still have some grieving to do. I honestly feel like most of my grieving took place over the past 3 years, as I watched my dad fade away and become someone that I didn't recognize anymore.

As far as how I'm holding up under the pandemic "scare", I'm really not having any problems. I'm thankful that I'm facing this at a time in my life when I've already weathered my share of storms. My faith has been reassured so many times throughout my life that I am really not worried about how I'm going to get through this. I don't want to get the virus, and I'm using reasonable caution to avoid it, but if I do get it, I'm not afraid to die. I don't particularly want to go through the suffering, but I know that God would see me through that, too. Our finances have taken a big hit because of all of this, but we are still better off than we were for many years when we were younger. I'm hoping that none of my family or friends will get the virus, and I pray for them daily, but I am assured that God will take care of His children...whatever may come.

That's not to say that I'm totally unaffected by the stress of the times. I'm hyperaware of everything that I feel in my body. I regularly check my temperature, so that I can take measures if I should get sick. Since this is allergy season, and I always have a chronic cough and chest tightness, I want to make sure that it is just my regular stuff. I also find myself getting a bit short-tempered and irritated from time to time. Whether that is from grief, stress or just being cooped up at home, or a combination of all three, is anybody's guess. But I'm trying to focus on good things every day...reading heartwarming stories about everyday heroes on social media; doing my daily Bible study and journaling; staying in contact with friends and family though texts, phone calls, Zoom, cards, etc.; and doing a little knitting to feel like I'm being somewhat productive.

So that's how I'm doing in all of this craziness that's going on. How are YOU doing?

New Journal

For the past several years I have kept a Thanksgiving Journal, which has been helpful to center my thoughts on gratitude. However, I decided to try something else this year. As most of you know, and as the title of this blog implies, Phil. 4:8 is my anchor verse. It helps me to focus on the positive in life. However, being the weak creature that I am, I needed something to sharpen that focus on a day to day basis. This is the outcome of that. Each day, I hope to PAY ATTENTION and look for examples of the good things listed in the passage. I don't intend to share them all or even most of them, but from time to time I will probably drop one on Facebook, if I think it might inspire someone else. It is my desire that we can all benefit from thinking on these thing.

Php 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things.



1/6/20 – Lovely – Today is a beautiful, clear winter day! Stepping outside makes me want to just stop and breathe in the cool, crisp air and spread my arms in joyfulness.

            True – Sherry posted a beautiful beach scene today with Phil. 4:6 on it. That lead me to turn to the chapter and read the whole passage, which lead me to creating this journal. It is, and has been my goal for years to incorporate the title verse into my life. This offers me a way to do so that focuses my attention more and provides some accountability. My aim is to look for true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good, virtuous and praiseworthy things to journal about every day.

            

1/7/20 – Noble – I love this passage from a book that Sheila bought for me: If we take a step back and evaluate the world we live in, we’ll realize that we are deeply imbedded in a culture that constantly lunges for the mic. We value making our voices heard and getting our points across. But if our goal is healthy community and loving our neighbors, we need to rethink our approach. Before we can learn from each other, before we can truly grow into a clearer picture of God’s good kingdom, we have to fall in love with listening.Martin, Shannan. The Ministry of Ordinary Places (p. 27).

Happy New Year and New Decade!

Well, it is that time of the year when we look back and see what we have accomplished this year, and look forward to plan and resolve to do better in the year to come. I didn’t do very well in 2019. Instead of losing weight, I gained. I didn’t stick with an exercise routine. My eating habits didn’t improve much, if any. I didn’t really do any craftwork. We didn’t do any renovations on the (inside of the) house. I didn’t make any real headway in several areas where I had hoped to make improvements.

It was a year of many changes, however…MAJOR changes! We had two weddings, a death, a dramatic change in my dad’s circumstances, and some health issues amongst different family members. Most of the time, I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water. That’s not to say that it was a bad year, but it was overwhelming at times. Some of the changes were wonderful! I couldn’t be happier with my new son-in-law and daughter-in-law. I love the changes that have taken place in our lives because of them! Nam starting school has freed up a lot of our time, but we also miss him terribly! We went from having him 3-4 times a week to seeing him 2-3 times a month. However, that has also allowed us to have more time with our other grandkids. Plus the time we have with him now is more “special”. We can act more like grandparents, rather than caregivers. So changes can have mixed results in our lives, both physically and emotionally.

I’ve been working on my “resolutions” for 2020. Even though I don’t know what challenges we will face in the coming year, I’m sure there will be many. I hope that I can keep my resolve to make needed changes in my life, in spite of the obstacles that may be placed in my path. I’m already working on my health resolutions. I have resumed my stationary biking and am trying to eat better. (I’m really good at eating well…for a time. Then I fall back into old habits!) I’ve already lost a few pounds. Hopefully, that will continue! I also started on my CPAP treatment last night. According to Dennis and Nam, I didn’t snore or make any noises! According to my app’s report, I only had 7 incidents all night instead of the 63 per hour that registered on my sleep test! So I ought to start feeling much better!

I have resumed my volunteer job. I’ve been “on sabbatical” for the past year and a half. I didn’t really expect to stay gone that long. Every time I thought I might be ready to return, something else would happen! But I’m hoping that things will stay calm (relatively speaking) now, so that I can do more than just take care of my family. I’m also wanting to get out of my comfort zone and try new ways of reaching out to others. I’m still not sure what, exactly, that is going to consist of, but I’m excited about the possibilities. As always, I’m wanting to draw closer to God and follow in Jesus’ footsteps more fully. That’s a goal that will always keep me busy! I constantly battle this old fleshly heart and pray for God to change it to one that is completely led by His Spirit. I am most definitely a work in progress!

I’m hoping that we are able to resume our house renovations this year! Dennis has been working in the garage lately. He redid the walls and is currently building cabinets for storing and organizing everything. We are planning to finish off the living room next, as well as redo the hall bathroom. I would love to see all of this happen in 2020, but I’m not holding my breath. Then we’ll just have the south end of the house to do, which will also include a bathroom redo. Baby steps!

So, I am excited to begin the new year and see what all is in store! I hope that this coming year and new decade will bring good things to all of you and that you will face whatever challenges arise with trust in God and hope in your heart. Happy New Year!

"Do you love me?"

Joh 21:15-17 So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Feed My lambs." He said to him again a second time, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Tend My sheep." He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?" Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, "Do you love Me?" And he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You." Jesus said to him, "Feed My sheep. (NKJV)

I’ve always been intrigued by this exchange between Jesus and Peter. Why Jesus asked him three times? Why specific words were chosen (agapao twice, then phileo)? How Peter felt? But I want to use this account for a different purpose today…as an example of how we show our love for God, for His Son, and most of all for one another. Jesus wanted proof of Peter’s love; he wanted him to do something for Him.

One of Dennis’ favorite stories that he likes to use in a lesson is when a group of men were trying to define love. Dennis asked how we know someone loves us, and the answer was offered, “When they sacrifice for us.” Since Jesus is the greatest example of love that we have, he bears this out throughout His whole life, but specifically in his crucifixion. He sacrificed everything for us! He also asks that we follow Him…so what does that mean?

Jesus told His disciples in John 14:15 that if they loved Him, they would keep His commandments. The apostle John says the same thing in his epistles. We demonstrate our love through our actions. So if the actions are not present, is the love?

In “The Five Love Languages”, the idea is put forth that we each feel loved in different ways: in receiving gifts, through quality time, through words of affirmation, through physical touch, and/or through acts of service. I feel and show love, mostly, through acts of service. As a mom and grandmother, we demonstrate our love by nurturing and caring for and sacrificing ourselves for our kids and grandkids. As a spouse, we show how much we love our other half by putting their needs above our own and taking care of them. The same is true as the adult children of aging parents, we put our lives on hold to serve their needs.

Now, how do we treat one another as friends and brothers and sisters in Christ? I hear a lot of words of affirmation. I see a lot of physical hugs and kisses. Occasionally we even see the giving of gifts for significant events. But when it comes to “quality time” and “acts of service”, I’m afraid that we tend to fall short. How often do we sacrifice our time and efforts to help or just “be there” for one another? People used to be much better at this…before the world provided SO much entertainment and distractions. Now people can just send a quick text and feel good that they’ve “touched base”. They “like” or “love” a post on Facebook and feel like they’ve “been there” for someone who is going through a rough time.

I’m not saying that sending a text or interacting on social media isn’t a good thing! It is wonderful that we have the ability to reach out so easily to people far and near. But it isn’t a replacement for REAL “face time”. It should never be said that a Christian brother or sister spent several days in the hospital and didn’t have a single visitor from someone outside of their immediate family, but it happens all of the time. When someone is suffering from grief or depression, they NEED the people who they love to step up and be there for them. Is it enjoyable? No, not usually. Is it necessary? Yes, absolutely! We need to stop determining how we spend our time by what is the most pleasant pastime for ME? We need to sacrifice ourselves (our time, our effort, our ENJOYMENT) for others. THAT is what real love is!

I have seen friends who will drive all night long to be with someone who is going through cancer surgery…then turn around and drive all day to get back home. That’s love. I’ve seen friends drop what they are doing (and some who would drive for hours) to help locate one who has gone missing and might be in danger. That’s love. I’ve seen friends who opened their homes and their hearts to those who needed a place to stay…sometimes for months, or even years. That’s love. I’ve seen people give away cars, give (not loan) hundreds or even thousands of dollars, donate furniture and household goods, and do whatever was necessary for those who were in need. That’s love. I’ve seen people show up on a doorstep just to say, “I’m here for you. What do you need?” That’s love.

Let’s all be more aware of how we can SHOW our love for another…not just say the words.

Mt 25:31-46 "When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. "All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats. "And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. "Then the King will say to those on His right hand, 'Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 'for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; 'I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.' "Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 'When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? 'Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?' "And the King will answer and say to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.' "Then He will also say to those on the left hand, 'Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: 'for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; 'I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.' "Then they also will answer Him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?' "Then He will answer them, saying, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.' "And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life." (NKJV)

Honoring our Parents

De 5:16 'Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you in the land which the LORD your God is giving you. (NKJV)

After my last blog on aging, a dear friend asked if I would do one on the above passage…specifically as it pertains to caring for our aging parents. I definitely do not feel qualified to do this, because I feel like I have been such a failure at it myself. However, I will honor my friend’s request and address this topic.

The word honor is defined in Strongs as “be chargeable, glorify, promote”. This is also expounded upon by Jesus in Matthew. “Mt 15:3 He answered and said to them, "Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition? For God commanded, saying, 'Honor your father and your mother'; and, 'He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.' "But you say, 'Whoever says to his father or mother, "Whatever profit you might have received from me is a gift to God" -- 'then he need not honor his father or mother.' Thus you have made the commandment of God of no effect by your tradition.” (NKJV) The word used here means to value or to prize. Jesus is talking about how the Jews had nullified this commandment by offering a gift at the altar to remove this responsibility from themselves.

So when we look at this idea in light of caring for our parents as they become incapable of caring for themselves, it makes perfect sense. If we truly value someone and are chargeable to them, then we will do everything in our power to see that they are well-cared for. This commandment also comes with a blessing…”that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you”. So caring for our parents benefits everyone involved. Our parents don’t have to worry about how they are going to manage when their minds and bodies grow too weak to continue on their own. Plus we are blessed by God for providing for them.

I have to admit, right off, that this isn’t always as “rosy” as the passages make it out to be. Navigating through the details of caring for the aged takes patience, perseverance, humility, compassion, mercy, wisdom, and most of all, a great deal of love. I am somewhat lacking in several of these virtues, so it can be quite challenging for me to remember that I should be thankful for the opportunity to care for my dad. I want to be! I try to see it as such. However, the day to day struggles can blind me to the blessings. I think one of the major obstacles that contribute to this is that sometimes the person that you are caring for is not the same person that you have always loved and respected. Don’t get me wrong…I truly love my dad. But when I look in his eyes and observe the way he reacts to day to day living, I don’t recognize him as the same person who I’ve known all my life. That doesn’t negate my responsibilities towards him, nor does it diminish my love and concern for him; but it does affect how I feel. It is almost like caring for a stranger at times…only this stranger is supposed to be my dad.

I’m not satisfied with the “job” that I’ve been doing, in caring for Daddy. I get so very aggravated at myself when I get angry or allow my feelings to get hurt or get tired of dealing with the inevitable problems that arise. I find myself focusing on the inconveniences that I have to deal with. I’m ashamed that I feel this way, but I have to be honest and admit to those feelings. I would love it if I were able to look forward to each day and how I might be able to make Daddy’s day a little better. I feel like a terrible daughter when I find myself complaining about having to do things for him, or when I lose my patience with him. This is not how I thought things would be.

So where is the blessing that I’m “supposed to be receiving”? I often feel like I'm still waiting for it. I know that my shortcomings are primarily to blame. I’ve observed others who have dealt very well with their aging parents and were happy and thankful to do so. Their blessing was apparent. I wish I could be like that. I DO receive benefits from this time. I’m (imperfectly) learning patience and compassion on a grander scale than I previously had. Even though I constantly feel guilty that I’m not able to care for him in my home, I know that I've done my best to find very good homes for him and monitor his circumstances to make sure that he is being well cared for. I try to patiently help him maintain the amount of independence that is best for him, even if it isn’t as much as he desires. I’ve learned SO MUCH about how to (try) to plan for my own approaching dotage. I’ve learned how insignificant things of this life are, and how our desire should be centered on the eternal. And I’ve developed another layer of appreciation for Dennis, my partner and best friend for almost 42 years. I truly don’t know what I’d do without him.

I also believe, that as the aged further decline and more “hands on” care is required, another blessing comes into play. I believe that skin on skin interaction produces a deeper kind of love for our parents. It is proven that holding babies has a positive effect on their health and mental development. Hugging also is scientifically proven to provide benefits for the body and mind. I believe that the physical (touching) care that one provides for the aged benefits both the elderly and their caregivers. Gentle, loving physical touch causes the release of endorphins. Just as we “bond” with a baby that we hold and care for, I believe we also "bond" with the elderly that we physically care for. They receive the assistance (in whatever form it may be) plus the comfort of having a loved one’s caring hands on them. We are drawn closer to them with the same actions and are “comforted” ourselves. I always felt closer to my mom when I was helping care for her in the hospital. Daddy hasn’t yet reached this point, although Bobbie is rapidly getting there. I have noticed that when I physically have to raise her to a better sitting position or provide support for her as she gets in or out of the car, that I feel more “maternal” towards her. I truly believe that a great deal of this has to do with physical touch. 

I know there may be some who are disappointed in how I’m caring for my dad. Believe me, I am, too! For now, I just keep on plugging at it the best I can:  constantly asking for God’s help, looking for ways to do better, and trying not to become discouraged. I know everyone’s journey is different. Some parents age with grace, but the physical challenges can be overwhelming. Some people lose their parents early on and deal with the grief that comes from that rather than the challenges of dealing with old age. When death come suddenly, family is often unprepared to deal with it. For those of us who have a front row seat to our parent(s) decline, we can (I believe) face the end with more acceptance. Seeing the suffering that the "dying process" brings make us yearn for relief. Whatever our lot, we all have our struggles. We all have our blessings. Our response to the things we face is what defines us and determines how much of a “blessing” we receive.

In conclusion, let me say that I really am thankful that I’m able to care for my dad! I don’t always act like it or sound like it. But being able to insure his well-being is extremely important to me. I would do anything for him. Taking on that responsibility, however, hasn’t been what I expected. It isn’t just providing care for him. It involves facing his cognitive and physical decline. It involves helping him come to terms with that decline, even when he doesn’t want to. It involves dealing with issues that I never even dreamed that I would have to face. And, just as in parenting, you have to learn as you go. Nobody can prepare you or tell you how to do it, because everyone is different, as are the circumstances of their lives. It has turned out to be one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever done. I’m still learning. I’m still trying to improve. I’m still hoping to see the time that “it will be well” for me. Some days it is. For now, that’s good enough.

Sincere Prayer

I read a line in a book yesterday that has stayed with me. The book is a novel, not Christian fiction, but it deals with brutal realities in some families and how people deal with them. The line that caught my attention is:  “If he’d gone for a genuine heartfelt, please-bless-Maisey sort of prayer, I might have stayed. It is quiet and peaceful here in the chapel. But I’m not going to hang around and listen to this fledgling boy–man use prayer as an opportunity to tell God what he already knows.” (King, Kerry Anne. Whisper Me This)

How often do we hear this kind of prayer being spoken? I have to admit that this has always been a pet peeve of mine, even though I can be as guilty as anyone of doing it. Even though the scriptures tell us not to use vain repetitions, but to be sincere and humble in our prayers, we too often fall back on the same prayers that we’ve always heard uttered. I remember going to church in California one summer and being amazed (not in a good way) to hear the same words being spoken there that I always heard in my home congregation.

"And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. "But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. "And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words. (Matthew 6:5-7 NKJV)

The first time I ever remember hearing a person praying like they were really talking to God was when I was in high school. That is really sad, because I have attended church 2-3 times a week since I was BORN! Then when Dennis and I moved to Nacogdoches, I was blown away by a brother there who uttered some of the most REAL and sincere prayers I’ve ever heard:  no pat phrases, no fancy language, just simply pouring out his heart to God.

I imagine (at least I hope) that most people pray this way in private, but then allow something (pride, fear of letting others see their hearts, etc.) to get in the way when leading a public prayer. I really don’t think this is what God wants to hear! Quoting scripture in prayer is just showing out…He already knows it all…He spoke it! One of my personal pet peeves is saying things in triplicate. It happens all the time. Someone will be praying and use two or three words that mean the same thing in a sentence. But rarely do you hear someone just speaking simply from their heart…which is what prayer really is.

I hope that some day people will move away from using prayer as an opportunity to make a speech or give a sermonette or try to impress people. That’s never what God intended and doesn’t serve any good purpose. The only person that I know of in the Bible that was praised for their prayer was the publican who prayed thusly: "And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me a sinner!' "I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke 18:13-14 NKJV)

A little soul-searching

A friend posted this verse this morning:  Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah (Psalms 4:4 NKJV)

Simple verse, but it can take a lifetime to learn to live it. First, to be able to control one’s temper…without thinking or saying or doing anything ugly. I might be able to control my actions (sometimes) or even my tongue (less often), but my thoughts? How many times does a retaliatory thought pop into my head? Way too often, I’m afraid. How many times do I pop off and say something in return? Still guilty. Learning to return good for evil is a challenge and a commandment that I struggle with daily:  Bless (this means to speak well of or praise) those who persecute you; bless and do not curse… Therefore "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:14, 20-21 NKJV)

The second part of this passage is also challenging, but in a different way. Learning to control my temper is fighting against my human passion…bringing it under control…and replacing it with the love of God. Learning to be still and meditate is a more subtle struggle. Calming my mind…focusing on God. At times, it comes very easily, such as when I’m observing an awesome view of nature. Sometimes, it comes with just a little bit of effort, such as when I’m driving down the road, alone, and choose to spend the time talking to God and admiring His creation. But during my normal, daily routine…it is very challenging. When I’m taking a break and sitting in my recliner, do I meditate and allow the Spirit to move in me? Or do I busy my mind with TV or reading for pleasure or playing games on my computer? I’m afraid I am guilty of the latter. I have what I refer to as a “lazy mind”.  I don’t like to think deep thoughts most of the time. I like to keep things light and easy and relaxing. Which is a bit ironic, don’t you think? Look at the language used in the psalm…be still.  That imagery is one of peace and contentment. Why is it so hard for me to achieve? Why must I constantly fill my mind with trivialities? Why can’t I allow the Spirit to help me find true peace? And it follows that if I spend more time working on this, the first part of the verse will also get easier! Amazing how that works, huh?

Anyway, I’m grateful for Sherry sharing this verse today. It stirred up my heart and helped me spend a bit more time today in meditating on God’s Word and doing a little soul-searching. I hope it has done the same for you.

Turning 60

How did THAT happen?! Even though my body tells me that I’m that old, my mind can’t really comprehend it. Even with my terrible memory, I can still remember playing in the alley with the neighborhood kids in Littlefield and playing hide-and-seek in the cornfields at the farm. Then after moving to Saginaw, I recall all the hours that we spent playing in the court with our drywall “chalk”, walking all over town visiting friends, and spending MANY hours at Granny and Granddaddy’s house playing with the Putman/Smith/Spurlock cousins in the mesquite flats and bar ditches; as well as all those games of Red Rover in the back yard. I barely turned around and found myself graduating high school and moving out on my own. Then Dennis came along, and we were married before you could blink. Seven years of desperately wanting children was followed by a busy, noisy, joyful houseful of young’uns…who grew up way too fast.

Am I sad about hitting the BIG 6-0? Not at all! I have never regretted aging. Life is an adventure, and each phase brings new challenges and rewards. I love the freedom that we have since Dennis retired and the time that we have to spend together. I have really enjoyed the time that we’ve spent traveling (when we’ve had the opportunity) and look forward to doing more in the future (as things settle down).  I love spending time with my grandkids. Life is so much more fun when viewed through the eyes of a youngster. I truly love becoming friends with my children. They have all grown to be amazing adults, in spite of my ignorance and mistakes in raising them. I love it when we can all get together and visit and share memories. Watching my kiddos interact as adults is a joy, as well as watching them enjoy one another’s children. After refereeing all of those (seemingly endless) battles when they were younger, telling them to cherish and appreciate their relationships, it is such a blessing to see it all come to fruition.  And of course, I am now eligible for most senior citizen discounts!

Of course, growing old isn’t all fun and games! Things start to wear out and quit working…which usually causes some pain and inconvenience. You start losing more and more of the people that you’ve loved for so long. Watching your own parents decline is very difficult! It is rough to have to take on the role of “parent” to the person(s) whom you respect and have always turned to when in need. Watching them grow feeble, in both body and mind, is heart-breaking. Trying to walk that fine line of caring for them without “bossing” them can be most challenging! Then the realization that it won’t be long before you are in their position, and your children will be facing the same responsibilities, is very sobering.

I’m also much more aware, now, of how short life really is. I appreciate the eternal so much more! Knowing that there is something waiting for me that is greater beyond measure than the things of this world, fills me with such comfort and hope. When I was younger, I felt like I still had so much of life to experience, so I didn’t really long for my eternal home. As I grow older and see the evils of this world wax worse and worse, I’m thankful that my years are grower shorter. I long for the peace and joy and splendor of being with my Savior and not having to deal with “stuff”!

All in all, I’m glad that I’m turning 60. I’m thankful that I’ve been allowed to experience all the things that have come my way. I haven’t always enjoyed everything, but it feels good to have weathered the storms and come out on the other side with the help of God. And I’m confident that He will continue to see me through the next (?) years. I still have so much to learn and experience and enjoy!

Beauty from Pain

Last week, we watched the movie “I Can Only Imagine”. I cried throughout the movie (which, if you know me well, is one measure of how good a movie is), but it also had tidbits here and there that made me laugh out loud. It has a very simple (and common) theme about how something beautiful can come from great pain. They referenced, in the story, another of my favorite songs (and movies) and its origins:  Amazing Grace. The song was written by a former slave ship captain. The grief and guilt that he experienced from his past allowed him to write one of the most beloved (and beautiful) hymns in the world. As soon as the movie was over I went to bed, but my mind wouldn’t allow me to sleep. Tears kept flowing from my eyes and my heart was filled with so many memories of painful times that bred beauty.

The most obvious, of course, is the sacrifice of Jesus. Our redemption, our hope, our peace, our joy all come from an event of horrific pain. His suffering allows us to share in so much joy in this life, and purchases for us a future of unimaginable beauty.  The ultimate place of beauty was made available through intense pain and sorrow. The scriptures are full of how sorrow and tribulation gives way to joy and hope.

The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. (Romans 8:16-18 NKJV)

For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning. (Psalms 30:5 NKJV)

"The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, Because the LORD has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified." (Isaiah 61:1-3 NKJV)

And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. (Romans 5:3-5 NKJV)

I look back in my own life and see so many times when something wonderful has emerged from times of suffering. Without pain, I don’t believe we can fully appreciate our blessings. As much as I always longed to be a mother, I truly believe that my love and thankfulness for my three children is greater after having gone through years of infertility and miscarriages. Those who have struggled financially are often the ones who appreciate most what they have been given, and also to have compassion for and a desire to share with others who are struggling. I believe that we are most effective in ministering to others when we have known pain.

So, is pain a good thing? I really believe it is. God gave us pain as a warning sign. If something hurts you, you learn to avoid it. Emotional pain can work the same way, but with an added bonus. It can, with God’s help, produce empathy and compassion and a sincere thankfulness that may not otherwise be achieved. We learn and grow from pain. Just as flood waters carve beautiful designs in the slot canyons of Arizona and Utah, God can use our pain to shape and mold us into a thing of beauty for Him. I found a line in a book that I was reading yesterday that illustrates this concept. It was talking about the sweetgrass that is used to weave baskets, and how it couldn’t be successfully cultivated in rich soil. “The grass has to have lived a hard life to be right for the baskets.” (excerpt from “Sweetgrass” by Mary Alice Monroe)

My prayer is that God uses my hardships and pain to create something beautiful for Him!

Nam's impact on my life

A few days ago, Sheila posted her first blog article since becoming a mother. Reading it filled my heart with love and joy over the blessings that we’ve received since we got Nam, and for the grace that my daughter has shown through it all. I am so proud of the mother that she has become, in a difficult situation, and I’m so thankful to be able to share in the care of this amazing little boy.

I’ve discussed our day-to-day routine, as well as Nam’s progress since he arrived, but I haven’t really gotten into the impact that he has had on our lives. We knew that this was going to be life-changing, but we really had no idea what to expect. Those first few weeks were HARD! Lack of sleep (both in Vietnam and back home) plus trying to help Nam adjust to a new world had us all struggling. Then when Sheila went back to work, we had to learn to deal with new challenges:  helping Nam feel safe and get used to traveling back and forth between two households, the effort of driving back and forth to FW every day, learning to discipline and train a child whose background we know very little about and who spoke a different language, and trying to keep up with our other responsibilities. There have been glitches and tears along the way, believe you me! But I wouldn’t trade our new lives for anything.

I know when people ask and I tell them how great Nam is, they think, “Yeah, typical grandmother speak!” But this little guy truly has been amazing and has brought SO much joy and laughter into our lives. He is smart…because he works at it! He has such a curious nature about him and LOVES to learn new things. He is funny and mischievous. He loves to tease and laugh. Sometimes he carries his teasing too far, so we have to try to reign him in…teaching him that teasing can hurt people’s feelings, which we DON’T want to do. But he finds joy in so many things, which inspires us to do the same. He has such a vivid imagination and can play for hours with the simplest of toys. His favorites are blocks and puzzles and Play-doh…and of course, his super heroes. He loves animals! He likes to watch nature videos, especially about the large cats in Africa. He has always used various toys (blocks, puzzle pieces, Play-doh) to play like they are animals. I ordered him a set of 6 plastic animals this week (which came in yesterday), and he didn’t put them down the rest of the day. He enjoys looking for deer (and horses and cows) along the roadway or in the state park. He can’t wait to get old enough to start hunting with Grandad! But most of all, he has a loving and tender heart! He can be very hard-headed at times, and downright mean occasionally, but he is (when not angry) very reasonable and listens to why he should behave in a certain way. He hates it when he ends up hurting someone, whether physically or emotionally, and is quick to make amends. He is generous with his “thank yous” and “I love yous” and hugs and kisses (unless he is in a teasing mood!). He loves to “help” with most chores. He is sensitive and self-conscious and a bit self-doubting about a few things. He is gentle with younger children and shares well.

I’ve never been a big “spoiling” kind of parent or grandparent. I don’t like to overload kids with toys and stuff. But I have really struggled with this and Nam. Seeing him find so much joy in playing with his things, and seeing how much he appreciates what he has, makes me want to buy him whatever he wants. I don’t, of course, but I do end up buying much more than I ever thought I would! We are quickly filling up both Sheila’s apartment and our living room!

I had wondered if I could physically hold up to caring for an active 4-year-old on a daily basis. It has been challenging, but not as much as I was concerned it would be. Of course, it really helps having Dennis as an active participant, especially since Nam prefers playing with Grandad! I’m pretty well able to keep up with my normal chores and activities. Dennis and I trade off transporting him back and forth, so I only have to drive two days a week, and Dennis drives two days. Grandad does most of the physically challenging play, and I focus on the more mentally stimulating activities. I have done my share of lion dancing and roughhousing and racing though! Ha! I do feel more aches and pains lately, but the trade-off is definitely worth it. Our lives were pretty routine and boring before he came along. Now they are filled with love and laughter and joy and wonder! There is nothing quite like seeing the world through the eyes of a 4-year-old orphan immigrant!

With his burgeoning language skills and his emotional adjustment, Nam has started talking more about his past in Vietnam. At first, he didn’t mention it or act like he missed it at all. We figure this was mostly a defense mechanism used to deal with his loss. Now that he is truly comfortable in his new life, he can look back with nostalgia and tell us about people and things that he liked or didn’t like. Sheila has made contact with the family of an 8-year-old girl from his orphanage, and they Skype once a week. She has recently found a family in France who adopted a boy that he was friends with in Vietnam, and they plan to do the same with him. Nam looks forward to these times of connecting with his old friends. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, we are preparing for attending the celebration of Tet in a couple of weeks. It will be really interesting to see how Nam reacts to being back in a predominantly Vietnamese setting. (The doctor at the international clinic warned us that it might be unsettling for him.) Along with the positive interactions, Nam has told us about a worker from the orphanage and another boy there that were “bad guys, Nam no love”. We are hoping to learn more as he learns more English and has the capacity to share some of his past experiences.

I think one of the biggest surprises is how healthy Nam is, both physically and emotionally. His bloodwork all came back within normal parameters…no diseases nor deficiencies. A large majority of children from institutional care have problems with attachment. Nam bonded with us from the very beginning. We’ve been very impressed with the apparently superior care that he received at the orphanage. We know that he faced his challenges (the scars on his head and body attest to that), but he is, for the most part, a very healthy and well-adjusted little boy.

Sheila achieved another major milestone yesterday. The judge signed the order that legally changes Nam’s name. He is now Nam Josiah Gerrald! We had thought that wouldn’t take place until 6 months after his Vietnamese adoption, but Sheila’s lawyer was able to push it through at an expedited pace. That will be very helpful with legal matters:  filing her income taxes and getting her adoption tax credit, avoiding duplicating paperwork, and such like. Plus it just feels good knowing that he now (legally) shares our name!

Besides the joy and love that Nam brings to our lives now, I am also enjoying the new dimension that motherhood adds to my relationship with Sheila. I am amazed at her patience and adaptability! She has never been a morning person, but Nam has been a persistently EARLY riser (usually waking up between 5 and 6 am). Although she still hopes he will eventually start sleeping a little later, it does have some advantages. It gives them some special time together in the mornings before she has to go to work. Evenings are pretty busy. We eat supper as soon as she gets here after work, then there is just a little time for them to play (especially on the nights that they drive back to FW)before it is time to start baths and settling down for bed. The time that we get to spend with Sheila is much greater now also. Before Nam, we usually only saw her once a week. Now we see her daily (except on weekends). Our relationship and roles are changing, but those changes only add a new richness to our family.

So how has Nam being in our day-to-day lives affected us? More than I can possibly elaborate! I am extremely thankful for this wonderful little blessing that has invaded our home and hearts!

Thoughts on Aging

Preface:  Every time I do a blog like this, I get really nervous.  I hope that my thoughts are not taken wrongly or that people feel like I think I have a better understanding of things than anyone else.  I deal with these issues from time to time, because they are issues which I am currently struggling with and want to understand better.  And I feel like if I'm struggling with them, others may be too.  So I really hope that this doesn't offend anyone!

"A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45 NKJV)

My heart has been very focused on aging lately.  As you probably know, Daddy and Bobbie have reached the time in their lives when they need extra help in managing things.  In addition to moving them into an assisted living facility, Kathy, Tonette and I have been taking over more and more of their “business”.  As those of you who have been through this process know, it is not an easy or pleasant process most of the time.  It is difficult to recognize and admit to the debilitation that naturally occurs with aging.  When you’ve taken care of yourself, your family and all of your own business for many decades, it is natural to feel like you can continue to do so…even when you can’t.  Plus one of the common signs of decreased cognitive ability is suspicion and paranoia. 

As children of aging parents, it is hard to step in and take control.  We are commanded to honor our parents, and we’ve spent our lifetime trying to do so.  When we have to assume more of a “parental” role, we are conflicted.  How do we intervene and do what is necessary to provide the best life for our parents without stepping over the line?  This has been a particularly difficult transition for me.  I’m constantly second guessing myself.  I get frustrated and fearful of the consequences that might occur if I don’t intervene, which manifests itself as anger.  I am NOT used to feeling or showing anger towards my dad!  And I do NOT like it!  Even though I know, in my brain that these things are normal and I shouldn't get upset, my human heart responds in ways that I'm not proud of.  This is something that I struggle with on a daily basis!

I want to take a look at the process of aging and the effects that it has on our lives, and try to find a better way of managing this natural and inevitable process.

In Erikson’s chart of psychosocial development, we see that from the age of 65 and beyond, we have one of two different natural processes which can occur:  ego integrity vs despair.  Basically this means we either understand and accept that life is drawing to a close and feel a sense of completeness, or we fear the end of life and enter into despair.  As Christians, we should strive for the first.  Death is not an end…merely a transition which allows us to live eternally with God.  I hope and pray that I can approach this stage of life (the which I am drawing very near to) as did the apostle Paul.  “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. For I am hard pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better.” (Philippians 1:21-23 NKJV)

This second chart shows how our dependence on others changes in the course of our lifetime.

Our mental and physical decay begins around the age of 55 (which I’ve already passed), and our social dependence increases around the age of 70.  I believe that our “independent American” outlook, however, has made the acceptance of these facts very difficult.  Other societies have long recognized the effects of aging and the inevitability of the family structure changing to accommodate these effects.  It is natural for the parents to move in with their children to be cared for during their final years.  The scriptures speak of caring for our aging:  “But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.” (1 Timothy 5:4 NKJV)  But this process is complicated in the US by societal pressures which promote being "independent" as long as (or longer) than possible.

One of the best lessons I ever heard from Larry Trekell was on aging, as described in Ecclesiastes 12.  This chapter describes many of the physical changes that occur with aging:  our legs grow bowed, we lose our teeth, our eyesight and hearing grow dim, etc.  Many of these changes bring embarrassment or shame; but if we recognize it as the normal process of life, there is no need to feel those things.  If we become incontinent, it is a complication that needs to be handled, but it bears no shame with it.  We need to reexamine our way of thinking about these things and learn to live with them without complaint.  (I know, this is easier said than done!)

Along with societal pressure to be independent, we have the natural deterioration of cognitive abilities and the onset (in many cases) of dementia.  Unfortunately, those who suffer from these mental impairments don’t necessarily recognize that it is happening…resulting in conflict and power struggles.  As we go through this process with our parents, my hope and prayer is that I can stay aware enough, as I go through this process myself, to recognize my declining abilities and retain the trust in my children to listen to them when I don’t see it.  I’m constantly telling Sheila to remind me of this when I reach the point where I need to step back and relinquish control to her or when I start to act "unreasonably".

The purpose of this blog isn’t to whine about the challenges that we are facing at this time, or to complain about my dad and Bobbie.  The purpose is two-fold:  one, to better understand and deal with things as we go through this “journey” with our aging parents; and two, to spread more awareness to the next generation as we plan for our “golden years”.  I believe there are steps that we can take to make things easier on our children when their time comes to assist us.

1                     Don’t put off making the necessary legal preparations.  (This is one that we still need to do!)  It is wise to assign a durable power of attorney and health power of attorney BEFORE it is needed!  If we have trained our children and maintained a healthy relationship with them throughout our lives, then we can definitely trust them with this!  As mental decline sets in, so does paranoia and a sense of desperation in trying to maintain control, that can hinder our families in being able to obtain these very important documents.  And, of course, we need to create a will or take whatever steps are necessary to distribute our belongings to our families in a way that doesn’t create unnecessary hardship for them.

2                     Recognize that life is fleeting and that death is inevitable (unless the Lord returns first).  No matter how much we might try to fight the aging process and live longer, we WILL eventually die.  Although the average lifespan has increased, it still falls within the parameters that are stated in the scriptures.  The average life expectancy in the US is currently about 79 years.  What does the Bible say?  “The days of our lives are seventy years; And if by reason of strength they are eighty years, Yet their boast is only labor and sorrow; For it is soon cut off, and we fly away.” (Psalms 90:10 NKJV)  Even though we are seeing many of our aged live well into their 80’s and 90’s, the averages hold true.  That means I can reasonably assume that I have about 21 years left, and my dad is living on borrowed time.  So trying to “hold on to our youth” and deny that we are getting old is pointless.  We are getting old…every one of us…and we will eventually die.  We need to be realistic in our views about life and make the necessary adjustments along the way.  This doesn’t mean being morbid, but rather, recognizing that aging is NOT something to fear or be embarrassed about!  It is part of the process of life that God set in order. 

3                     We need to change our focus on what is important.  Layne gave a really good lesson on this a couple of weeks ago.  We have such a strong tendency to focus on the things of this life and place way too much value in them.  As Christians, our focus should be on eternal things.  “Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.” (Colossians 3:2-4 NKJV) 

As we lose control over our surroundings, as happens as our abilities wane and our dependence increases, it is the natural tendency to try to desperately hold on to what we have left.  I’m not sure how we can control this process, but I truly believe a good start is to, early on, loosen our attachment to “stuff”.  Rather than holding on to everything “in case we might need it later”, we shoud spend our lifetime constantly reassessing and releasing our possessions.  If we have something that someone else needs more than we do, share it with them.  Pass our treasured heirlooms on to our children early in life, rather than holding on to them until we die.  Allow them to enjoy them and take pleasure in seeing our history shared.  But mainly, we need to develop a mindset that “things” just aren’t important.  Our relationship with God and His Son, Jesus; as well as our relationships with others is what really matters.  Never allow “things” to damage relationships!

4                     We need to practice humility and resist the temptation to feel like we have learned all we need to know.  Unfortunately, it is the natural tendency of man to reach a point where he feels like he has reached a certain plateau in his development.  We think we “know it all” and it is the duty of those younger to listen to us.  Even though wisdom can come with age, (although it doesn’t necessarily always do so) pride is an evil which must be battled with at ALL ages.  If we ever reach the point where we think we know it all or are above reproach, we need to beware! "Because you say, 'I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing' --and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked”-- (Revelation 3:17 NKJV)  “He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8 NKJV)

5                     We need to continually allow the Spirit of God to work in us.  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” (Galatians 5:22-26 NKJV)  I’ve heard people say, as they get older, that they’ve earned the right to speak their mind and not worry about what other people think.  As Christians, this is in complete opposition to how we are supposed to be.  As we mature in body, we should also mature in the Spirit.  The fruits that come forth should manifest the Spirit of God, not the carnal nature of man.  Showing kindness and love, being joyful, being gentle are NOT things that we should ever “outgrow”.  It is a product of society that we should be “strong, and not allow anyone to tell us what to do!”  It is NOT of the Spirit of God!  I understand that dementia can and does have its effect on behavior, and people aren’t always responsible for their actions and words as they decline with age.  Let us feed the Spirit while we still have opportunity, so hopefully, even as we lose control over our mind, the goodness that has been brought forth in our lives through the Spirit will continue to shine as a reflection of our hearts.

I don’t claim to be an expert on aging, at all.  As I mentioned at the beginning, this is just something that has been on my mind a lot lately.  As we struggle watching our parents’ generation go through the final stages of life and the difficulties that this brings, let us learn from our experiences, but mostly from God’s Word, how we need to approach this time in our own lives…because it isn’t far away.

A beautiful Lord's Day, and a Kindness Challenge

Sometimes a day is so special that I feel a need to share it with others.  Today has been one of those days.  Sherrod spoke on God’s Amazing Grace this morning, which brought many thoughts to my mind.  Two verses, especially, struck a chord with me.  “And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work:” (2 Corinthians 9:8 KJV)  “For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God. “(2 Corinthians 4:15 KJV)   Putting these two verses together make it very clear that through the grace of God we have everything we need to do the work we have to do, so that HE will be glorified.  I know there have been times when I felt like I didn’t have anything left in me to give.  I failed to realize that I didn’t need to have it in me…that God would provide me with whatever I needed to do His will.  This is such a comforting assurance!  Plus it is so important to always remember that whatever we do is for HIS glory, never our own.

This afternoon was one of those services that just seemed to “gel”…when everything just seemed to take on more meaning.  Perhaps it was just that my head was more together than usual.  Layne gave a wonderful chapter study on Hebrews 2.  He has such a way of making things relevant!  I never tire of listening to him.  Then Dennis (who was in charge) followed it up with a very emotional story from his life.  (That man can sure make me cry!)  I love how he is able to come up with an anecdote from life to illustrate a spiritual point.  I just really felt very connected to everyone today.

I think part of why today was so meaningful to me was because of a book I’m reading right now.  It is called “The Kindness Challenge”.  Not only is it very much based on biblical truths, but it is incredibly insightful into human nature and the effects of our actions, or inactions, on others.  There are some online tools, also, to use in determining how “kind” one is and helpful hints for showing kindness to different people.  I’ve always considered myself to be a kind person, and I do focus on being kind a lot!  But after reading the first few chapters and being brutally honest with myself, I realized how much I have missed the mark.  I’ve allowed struggles that we’ve been through to “taint” the way I see others, which affects how I treat them.  I’ve also been guilty of “growing weary in well-doing” and thinking it was MY time to be on the receiving end…and feeling slighted if I wasn’t.  In other words, I’ve been self-centered and Unkind.  Working on this challenge is changing the way I think about others, which changes the way I treat others.  None of it is difficult to understand, it is written all through the New Testament, in some of my favorite verses.  But I’ve been reading them and thinking about them through “Linda” colored glasses, rather than truly embracing them at face value.  Changing that perspective is having a profound influence in every area of my life…and making my worship more meaningful in the process.

So I am embarking on this 30 day challenge, which will (hopefully) retrain my focus to being kind to everyone, always.  I hope that I can become a better wife, mother, daughter, friend and person in general.  And I am truly sorry for any time that I have treated any of you unkindly!  With God’s help, I hope to avoid doing so in the future!