A few days ago, Sheila posted her first blog article since
becoming a mother. Reading it filled my heart with love and joy over the
blessings that we’ve received since we got Nam, and for the grace that my
daughter has shown through it all. I am so proud of the mother that she has
become, in a difficult situation, and I’m so thankful to be able to share in
the care of this amazing little boy.
I’ve discussed our day-to-day routine, as well as Nam’s
progress since he arrived, but I haven’t really gotten into the impact that he
has had on our lives. We knew that this was going to be life-changing, but we
really had no idea what to expect. Those first few weeks were HARD! Lack of
sleep (both in Vietnam and back home) plus trying to help Nam adjust to a new
world had us all struggling. Then when Sheila went back to work, we had to
learn to deal with new challenges:
helping Nam feel safe and get used to traveling back and forth between
two households, the effort of driving back and forth to FW every day, learning
to discipline and train a child whose background we know very little about and
who spoke a different language, and trying to keep up with our other responsibilities.
There have been glitches and tears along the way, believe you me! But I wouldn’t
trade our new lives for anything.
I know when people ask and I tell them how great Nam is,
they think, “Yeah, typical grandmother speak!” But this little guy truly has
been amazing and has brought SO much joy and laughter into our lives. He is
smart…because he works at it! He has such a curious nature about him and LOVES
to learn new things. He is funny and mischievous. He loves to tease and laugh.
Sometimes he carries his teasing too far, so we have to try to reign him in…teaching
him that teasing can hurt people’s feelings, which we DON’T want to do. But he
finds joy in so many things, which inspires us to do the same. He has such a
vivid imagination and can play for hours with the simplest of toys. His
favorites are blocks and puzzles and Play-doh…and of course, his super heroes.
He loves animals! He likes to watch nature videos, especially about the large
cats in Africa. He has always used various toys (blocks, puzzle pieces, Play-doh)
to play like they are animals. I ordered him a set of 6 plastic animals this
week (which came in yesterday), and he didn’t put them down the rest of the
day. He enjoys looking for deer (and horses and cows) along the roadway or in
the state park. He can’t wait to get old enough to start hunting with Grandad!
But most of all, he has a loving and tender heart! He can be very hard-headed
at times, and downright mean occasionally, but he is (when not angry) very
reasonable and listens to why he should behave in a certain way. He hates it
when he ends up hurting someone, whether physically or emotionally, and is
quick to make amends. He is generous with his “thank yous” and “I love yous” and
hugs and kisses (unless he is in a teasing mood!). He loves to “help” with most
chores. He is sensitive and self-conscious and a bit self-doubting about a few
things. He is gentle with younger children and shares well.
I’ve never been a big “spoiling” kind of parent or
grandparent. I don’t like to overload kids with toys and stuff. But I have
really struggled with this and Nam. Seeing him find so much joy in playing with
his things, and seeing how much he appreciates what he has, makes me want to
buy him whatever he wants. I don’t, of course, but I do end up buying much more
than I ever thought I would! We are quickly filling up both Sheila’s apartment
and our living room!
I had wondered if I could physically hold up to caring for an
active 4-year-old on a daily basis. It has been challenging, but not as much as
I was concerned it would be. Of course, it really helps having Dennis as an
active participant, especially since Nam prefers playing with Grandad! I’m pretty
well able to keep up with my normal chores and activities. Dennis and I trade
off transporting him back and forth, so I only have to drive two days a week,
and Dennis drives two days. Grandad does most of the physically challenging
play, and I focus on the more mentally stimulating activities. I have done my
share of lion dancing and roughhousing and racing though! Ha! I do feel more
aches and pains lately, but the trade-off is definitely worth it. Our lives
were pretty routine and boring before he came along. Now they are filled with love
and laughter and joy and wonder! There is nothing quite like seeing the world
through the eyes of a 4-year-old orphan immigrant!
With his burgeoning language skills and his emotional
adjustment, Nam has started talking more about his past in Vietnam. At first,
he didn’t mention it or act like he missed it at all. We figure this was mostly
a defense mechanism used to deal with his loss. Now that he is truly
comfortable in his new life, he can look back with nostalgia and tell us about
people and things that he liked or didn’t like. Sheila has made contact with
the family of an 8-year-old girl from his orphanage, and they Skype once a
week. She has recently found a family in France who adopted a boy that he was
friends with in Vietnam, and they plan to do the same with him. Nam looks
forward to these times of connecting with his old friends. As I’ve mentioned in
previous blogs, we are preparing for attending the celebration of Tet in a
couple of weeks. It will be really interesting to see how Nam reacts to being
back in a predominantly Vietnamese setting. (The doctor at the international
clinic warned us that it might be unsettling for him.) Along with the positive
interactions, Nam has told us about a worker from the orphanage and another boy
there that were “bad guys, Nam no love”. We are hoping to learn more as he
learns more English and has the capacity to share some of his past experiences.
I think one of the biggest surprises is how healthy Nam is,
both physically and emotionally. His bloodwork all came back within normal parameters…no
diseases nor deficiencies. A large majority of children from institutional care
have problems with attachment. Nam bonded with us from the very beginning. We’ve
been very impressed with the apparently superior care that he received at the
orphanage. We know that he faced his challenges (the scars on his head and body
attest to that), but he is, for the most part, a very healthy and well-adjusted
little boy.
Sheila achieved another major milestone yesterday. The judge
signed the order that legally changes Nam’s name. He is now Nam Josiah Gerrald! We had thought that wouldn’t take place until 6
months after his Vietnamese adoption, but Sheila’s lawyer was able to push it
through at an expedited pace. That will be very helpful with legal
matters: filing her income taxes and
getting her adoption tax credit, avoiding duplicating paperwork, and such like.
Plus it just feels good knowing that he now (legally) shares our name!
Besides the joy and love that Nam brings to our lives now, I
am also enjoying the new dimension that motherhood adds to my relationship with
Sheila. I am amazed at her patience and adaptability! She has never been a
morning person, but Nam has been a persistently EARLY riser (usually waking up
between 5 and 6 am). Although she still hopes he will eventually start sleeping
a little later, it does have some advantages. It gives them some special time
together in the mornings before she has to go to work. Evenings are pretty
busy. We eat supper as soon as she gets here after work, then there is just a
little time for them to play (especially on the nights that they drive back to FW)before it is time to start baths and settling down
for bed. The time that we get to spend with Sheila is much greater now also.
Before Nam, we usually only saw her once a week. Now we see her daily (except
on weekends). Our relationship and roles are changing, but those changes only
add a new richness to our family.
So how has Nam being in our day-to-day lives affected us? More
than I can possibly elaborate! I am extremely thankful for this wonderful
little blessing that has invaded our home and hearts!
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